“There are only two emotions, love and fear.” “Choose who ye shall serve.” A Course In Miracles
In a previous chapter I discussed how our attitudes create our feelings and emotions If we think with the ego’s mind, we create fear based feelings and emotions. If we think with the spiritual attitude we create love based feelings and emotions. You have the ability to choose the way you feel because your thoughts and attitudes cause your feelings and emotions.
I have developed a six step process to help focalize this process more clearly. This process will be especially helpful when you get your buttons pushed in a relationship or circumstance in life and you are having difficulty figuring out the reason.
Six Step Process For Spiritualizing Your Emotional Self
1: Write down either the incident or exact behavior of the other person with whom you were dealing. For example, maybe the incident was a traffic jam on the freeway, or your mate became angry with you. The first step is just to write down objectively what happened outwardly.
2: Write down objectively your response to either the incident or the other person. For example, your response to the traffic jam might have been impatience and aggravation. Your response to your mate might have been defensiveness and anger. Step two is just to write down objectively how you responded, be it appropriately or inappropriately.
3: This is the key step. Choose to look at the incident or other person’s behavior as being your master teacher, teaching you a lesson that you need to learn. Imagine that the incident or person is an instrument that God is using through which to teach you a lesson and give you an opportunity to grow spiritually. Your negative response always stems from the fact that you are not looking at the situation as a teaching, lesson, challenge and opportunity to grow. The traffic jam is your master teacher. Your mate’s anger is your master teacher.
4: Make a list of all the psychological and spiritual qualities that you are being given the opportunity to learn. The first thing you are being taught with people is an example of “how not to be” (as in mate’s bad example). This is a good lesson, for you. Some people set good examples and some set bad examples. You can learn from both. You know how it feels to be on the other end of someone’s getting angry and attacking you, so that teaches you not to be that way. This is usually the first lesson we are being taught. In the example of the traffic jam you are being taught patience; preference rather than attachment; to look at things as lessons; surrender, and so on.
In the example with your mate you are being taught to:
- Stay centered
- To own your own personal power
- To have your bubble of protection up so his/her top dog response slides off your bubble like water off a duck’s back
- To be the cause of your own emotions and not let your mate cause your emotions
- Not to let your mate put you into the underdog
- To communicate with your mate in a powerful, loving way instead of a defensive, attacking way
- To discuss instead of argue
- To respond instead of react; to be a master instead of a victim
- To stand up for yourself
- To make a good choice about when to talk or when to be silent
- Forgiveness; unconditional love; preference, non attachment to look at things as lessons
- Transcendence of ego
- To seek love and worth in yourself and from God first, and not seek it first from your mate
- Patience; to set a better example
- To refrain from catching the psychological disease of your mate and to be the healer instead of becoming a patient
- To be spiritual instead of egotistical
- To maintain the right relationship to self and relationship to God are the two most important relationships in your life, even before your mate.